On fame

What is fame but a vice traversing between two restless minds, the one that seeks what itself cannot generate in its own moral mirror, and the other that gives away precious time in generating it for the one instead of sharpening its own intellect. For the former, seeking fame stimulates anxiety, while for the latter giving fame stimulates emptiness of itself and jealousy on the former. Thus, fame as its own vice generates two other vices, anxiety and jealousy. The shortest route to self-discovery is the contempt of fame.

A brief and simple excuse

Brevity and Simplicity - two qualities that I have come to admire very much in everything that I try to do these days, and in every walk of my own complex life. So much so that these two are the best reasons I can ever give for any of my shortcomings in the once-profound capacity for writing I used to love about myself (or so I console my alter-ego to whom writing meant everything!). There! A brief and simple excuse for a long and complex shortcoming!

Growth and contentment

 It's tough trying to be a strict adherent of a philosophical way of life in these modern times, especially the school of Stoicism, but I'm never giving up on the journey. I can confidently say that every day is a betterment. But it's almost like I need an alter-ego to embrace the principles of a stoic way of life on the one hand, and trying to gel with the society, trying to play the role of an active social animal with all the likes/dislikes, differences, opinions and so on, on the other hand. But there is a purpose and a set of moral principles and guidelines I try to follow in every thing I do and in the way I try to live. Getting better at those never stops, it's a journey with scope for continuous betterment. I strive to keep that in check as much as I can so that the compromise between my stoic self and the social animal is a peaceful acceptance and a pleasant co-existence. As always, there is Seneca to the rescue and guidance:

One's life should be a compromise between the ideal and the popular morality. People should admire our way of life but they should at the same time find it understandable  - Letter V, Letters from a Stoic

This is how I learn and strive to strike a balance between being humbled & contented with what life throws at me (as a proper stoic disciple should) and working to grow as a better social animal. The alter-egos will eventually merge at some point when I will have surrounded myself with like social animals and we don't have a veil of compromise between us

The intentional skip

 What sticks as a habit, a good habit, is a curious longing to get back to doing what is an irresistible act of practice that shapes us to be a better person by the day. The best way I have found to test the stickiness and urge to develop a good habit is to intentionally skip practising it for a couple of days in the peak of the development process. To me, it's a good yardstick for what I believe matters to me as a good habit worth developing. As my Stoic learnings develop more roots upon which to stand my soul firmly, I often remind myself of Seneca's lesson - cultivate an asset which the passing of time itself improves. I'm putting it into practice day by day to make it a personal test I assess myself on often. A true liking to develop an asset urges me to resume the specific practice, unable to hold off any longer. So far so good.

The hand sanitizer man

Nearly two years ago, I met a stranger at the Guindy Snake Park. I had taken my nephews, 9 and 6, on an exhibition there that included handling of reptiles including some rare kinds of lizards, snakes and tortoises. There was this man, probably older than me, with his son who was about the same age as my elder nephew. As the exhibition began, kids were encouraged to handle the reptiles and were given turns. As soon as my nephews finished their turn handling a tortoise, a rock python and a sand boa, I applied hand sanitizer and made them rub it all over their hands for a good minute. This man was curious and asked me what it was. It was quite a surprise to me. I would've normally expected someone like him to know what it is. When I told him what it was briefly, his face lit up and he asked 'How does this work? Is this available generally or in pharmacies only? Is it safe? Is it costly?' and so on. That it needed no washing with water was a revelation to him. But more than the questions themselves, it was the look on his face that I can never forget. It wasn't his questions or his lack of knowledge that was surprising to me. It wasn't his ignorance of the thing, but the innocence of his demeanor that unsettled me. For being generally taciturn to strangers, I felt surprised at how long I spoke with him on this small matter. After he admitted that he was actually excited about this and was going to buy some for his son, we went our own ways. I felt a tinge of joy, maybe even a tinge of unnecessary pride, that I taught a stranger a small new thing.

Since the start of COVID-19, whenever I have had to apply some hand sanitizer, his face pops up in my mind promptly and briefly. But today, he's lingering in my mind more than I want him to. I hope he and his son are safe. I hope he got to buy it and use it for his family. If he did, that's enough joy for me from this simple thing

Of common man's clichés and truth

Is it because the common man's life is a journey of clichés that the clichés become his truth, or is it because his many paths to the truth in life are so clichéd that the truth itself becomes a cliché?

The loop of acceptance

As much as we have convinced ourselves and accepted the fact that these are tough times, for work, for businesses, for families and for the communities, and that the new normal is totally abnormal, I retrospect a little bit in a differnet frame of mind and find that this has been a time of blessing. There has never been a better time to count the true blessings in life for what they teach us about life, and death. Life is only meaningful because the discerning eye defines purpose. Because in death, there is no discrimination or purpose.

It's surprising, and worth retrospecting, how our perspective of life changes in a short time. In the sixty days since the lockdown and other controlling measures kicked in and have been in place, I have been going back to the Stoic basics and it has never made so much sense as it has now. I have crossed ocenas and am now on the othe side of the world. Life changes for me as I speak. And I have indeed risked coming in contact with and getting infected through unknowns (God knows who had what virus in those cramped airports and fully-packed flights!). But I had to take the flight even in that dire situation. And I can't emphasize enough that somewhere in all that chaos, it was all pure luck and timing. Back home, I hear from friends and family that the virus has caught on to their neighbors. It gets personal this time, doesn't it?

All this does nothing to assuage the fear that life is totally unpredictable and unplannable, and acceptance is the only way forward. We can whine all about bad luck or we can accept life with equanimity. Hence there is a perspective shift from 'plan for the worst, hope for the best' to 'live for good, the here and now'. There is no plan that cannot be disrupted. Our plans may appear too good to fail, but never underestimate the power of luck and timing, and Karma.

We propose. Karma/Luck/Timing disposes. We accept. We strive. And with enough practice of acceptance, peace bestows herself upon us.

And the loop plays forever.

Reality & beauty

The reality of life is made up of our choices and compromises. The beauty of life is in finding meaning and contentment in those choices and compromises. For reality comes from the mind and is a result of logic & reasoning, while beauty comes from the heart and is a result of acceptance and wisdom

Learning how to die

COVID-19 has changed people's lives in ways unimaginable until now. It is truly a crisis of a lifetime. I wish no generation hereafter has to face a pandemic of such proportions. Deaths go up by the thousands world over on a daily basis, over a night's sleep. And we don't even know if we have peaked, or when we will peak. We are left in the lurch, with nothing but hourly news of rising number of cases and deaths. Mortality rates compared to other pandemics of the earlier centuries don't matter anymore. Cure is a long way out, and prevention isn't getting any better as long as as people continue to ignore common sensical behaviours such as social distancing, personal hygiene etc. 

We have long lived a life of reckless materialism in the name of economic progress. It is time to question the definitions of developed nations and developing nations when their leaders lack leadership, governments lack good governance and the millions of people of these nations lack common sense grossly at such a critical time. And Nature seems to be taking the mantle back, at least long enough for us to realize that we have erred enormously in claiming superiority over Her. Nature doesn't need us, we need Her. To Her, we are just one of the million species She has given residence to. But to us, She is the supreme provider. And how we humans as a whole have brought ourselves to knees before Her now. Perhaps this is a reset button to unlearn the ways of our past and learn what truly matters from what Nature has given us and continues to give us. And what She gives, She takes back. And perhaps, now is the time to start to learn how to give ourselves back to Her when the bell tolls. Like it or not, given where we have ended up, what matters now is to start learning how to die. In other words, how we give ourselves back to Nature when the time comes. 

Specifically in the case of COVID-19: How do we learn to come to terms with an enemy unseen, yet so powerful and terminative in character? It doesn't kill us by combat or by war, it kills us by contact. But we know that. What we don't know is how we came into contact with someone infected with it, who in turn had no idea how he came into contact with someone else who had it. 'Contact tracing' may have sound logic and method behind it, but it does not answer 'why me?'- why should I be the one to come into contact with an infected person? Pure bad luck? Karma? Now, I don't have anyone in my social circle who is infected or dead yet. If it were the case, I wouldn't be reacting the way I am now. 

Now extrapolating this to a broad swathe of possibilites: what is the guarantee that a scenario of death in any form may not come to any of us anytime soon? Are we prepared to let go of someone when their time comes? And more importantly, are we ourselves prepared to say our goodbyes?

While medicine and science can prepare our bodies and minds to give a good fight, now it is only philosophy that can prepare our souls for accepting the ultimatum when it comes. In the midst of this fight with so much of progress in medicine and science, a philosophical twist may seem irrelevant. But this is where it makes the most sense and this is what we should all seek now. If not COVID-19, it is something else some other day. We have a choice, either seek wisdom or die in anxiety and ignorance. Maybe it is a good thing to see COVID-19 as only a trigger event to start the learning.

It doesn't matter what path of philosophy we start with. Most lead us to the same eternal truths. As proof, I leave you with the wisdom of Adisankara & Seneca as starting points (though Hindu and Roman in origin respectively, and separated by centuries, these two greats had more or less the same underlying principles on dealing with life and death, in their respective philosophies of Hinduism and Stoicism!):

From 'Bhaja Govindam' by Adisankara

मा कुरु धनजनयौवनगर्वं हरति निमेषात कालः सर्वं.

मायामयमिदमखिलं हित्वा ब्रह्मपदं त्वं प्रविश विदित्वा 

(Transliteration: maa kuru dhana jana youvana garvam, harathi nimeshaath kaala sarvam, maya mayamidham akhilam hithva, brahma padham thvam pravisha vidithva
Meaning: Do not pride/boast yourself in wealth, people and youth. Time can take all these away in an instant. Give up this world full of Maya (illusions) and work to attain the path of Brahma (supreme consciousness) 

And from Seneca in his famed 'Letters from a Stoic':

Now I bear it in mind not only all things are liable to death but that liability is governed by no set rules. Whatever can happen at any time can happen today. Let us reflect then, that we ourselves shall not be long in reaching the place we mourn his having reached. Perhaps too, if only there is truth in the story told by sages and some welcoming abode awaits, he whom we suppose to be dead and gone has merely been sent on ahead 

Let us start learning!

A stoic's hope

I have long pondered over what hope means for a stoic. It has been a persistent question in my mind - 'Does a stoic hope?', 'Can a stoic hope?', 'Why can't a stoic hope?' and so on.

Let me start by putting forth the context of hope in the founding fathers' principles. Seneca has theoretically dismissed hope as a principle to follow:

They (hope and fear) are bound up with one another, unconnected as they may seem. Fear keeps pace with hope. Both belong to a mind in suspense, to a mind in a state of anxiety through looking into the future.

There cannot be a more categorical dismissal of the admission of hope in a stoic's mind. With that set, is there a possible answer to my questions?

On the one hand, if a stoic does hope, he is violating a founding principle of living in and with the present. A man with hope cannot be a stoic. Or rather, A man cannot wish to have hope and claim to be a stoic. But, does the mere thought or wish of hoping for something just displace the fundamental tenet of accepting whatever fate has to throw at him? Does the mere presence of hope in his life puts him in a disadvantaged position from learning the ability to withstand whatever things, good or bad, life throws at him, with equanimity? Why can one not hope and be equanimous and dispassionate at the same time?

On the other hand, can a stoic hope? Is that a right he can exercise to bring a new dimension to the future, if even the concept of future holds ground for a stoic! Can he claim to have simple hopes, and yet be a stoic?

What if we turned to a more contemporary approach to hope? In today's hyper-stretched world - mostly materialistic, self-fulfilling, individualistic, and tense - hope may come to mean something as simple as an anticipatory feeling of simple contentment or peace that is achievable with minimal upset of the balance of the mind, yet the current state of which is anxiety or eagerness. Will this count as hope or will this count as a journey to learning to withstand the whiplashes of fate?

And most of all, what about the hope to learn to be a stoic?

There has to be an answer... someday!

Home stretch

"How ridiculous and how strange to be surprised at anything which happens in life" - Marcus Aurelius

This is as close to reality as I can feel at the moment. Life has come some sort of a near-full circle. I have done almost all the 'been-there-done-that' things that can possibly be counted as the 'usual scheme of things'. I see the home stretch now. I have done things that I'm not proud of. There's a good dose of regret that has gone in. But, as I now remember all of them, I feel nothing. I feel immune to the vagaries of life. I bid good riddance to the years that have passed in my mistakes and my neglect of some principles that I have conveniently forgotten in those years! I see them all indifferently and bid goodbye. The next few months will erase some more things of my scribbled slate.

And then, maybe it'll be time to start afresh. In the grand scheme of the new things to come, I'll learn not to be ridiculous or surprised at what life will turn out to be. The 2nd inning may then well steer clear of  the turbulence that has somewhat rocked the first.

Here's to more!

Voices

For all the voices we hear around us all the time, the trouble is not so much as to decide whether to speak for or against, but, often, to decide whether to really hear the voices or pretend not to and keep quiet, the latter choice preferable more often than not. Sometimes, shutting up is a lot better than speaking up! 

The philanthropist

I could put up with the uber-rich that does not donate a bit, and I do not know what to say about the destitute who shares his meager begged-out meal with another destitute. But I can never put up with the philanthropist who donates to the poor with an intent of getting a tax break out of it! And somehow, there is a solid system in place which actively promotes this!

The reality of imagination

One moment of reality makes good or breaks down many moments of imagination; for imagination most often has no grounds, whereas reality is rooted in reason, at least in hindsight if not upfront.

The thought of a thief?

I wonder what goes on in the mind/heart of a thief that makes him think he could do with stealing just one pair of slippers when he could have very well stolen the two other pairs, besides the stolen one, too. Strange!

The world is the country

I think of this on every 'national day' we celebrate. Why is it that a great majority of us have only a passionate yet fleeting consciousness of patriotism on that single day? Why aren't we, or I should say why couldn't we, be simple humanitarians with a constant and continuous feeling of well-being of the world as a whole? Why can the world be not one country? Why haven't we learnt from all the wars of division and conquest that have only made the world worse? Why is it that as the population grows, we become more factional? What are we doing in the name of 'global growth and progress'? What has happened to the countless years of toil of great humanitarians' efforts to make the world a better place? Why haven't we learned as much as we ought to have from any of them? And most of all, why haven't we paid heed to undeniable proofs of evolution that we all have a common origin? (To be more precise, the seven billion of us came from just about 50000 or so, somewhere in Central Africa a few millennia ago.) If our evolving rationality and a growing sense of oneness (at least in the last two decades or so) has got anything to do with our progress, we should have long discarded the so-called glorious wars of conquest that have taken place over thousands of years. We should have unlearned a great deal of what we learned from history. At least, the growing sense over the last few years of ensuing disasters for the world as a whole - resource crunch, climate change, global warming, natural calamities, economic crises - should have brought us closer together and not more divisive. Why has none of this happened?

Today India celebrates its 65th Republic Day. And what a stupendous way we've come to in all these years, particularly the last twenty! I grew up fascinated by the nationalistic and patriotic feelings (what's the difference between the two, by the way?) that found way to our hearts throughout our childhood and adolescent years. Hell, I myself went very close to becoming an 'officer' of the armed forces, driven by an insatiable passion to 'serve my country'. 5 years from that time, I thank my rationality to have prevailed over my passion. And that has also opened my mind to a limitless possibility of 'global oneness' if we act. I have definitely become a better 'simple humanitarian' on the path to global peace than a 'strict officer' overflowing with misplaced ideals of patriotism. Of what good am I if I were to hold vengeance for the atrocities the British committed to India in the 1900's, and not help my British friend now because of that? Am I making the world a better place to be? Why do even the most rational of patriots never get this? Will they still be patriots if they get this? Why do I still hear my generation simmering with anger of 'Look where we are because of what this or that country did to us?'. Could they not think what their sons and daughters might think of them too - 'Look where we are because of the greed, stupidity, divisiveness, plunder (and so on) of my father's generation?

All said well, the question remains: have we acted? I think that the only concern for anyone wanting to change the world is this: it can be done only one bit at a time, and it is going to take a lot of time - a great lot of it - to make a difference. That is a repetitive lesson from history - Lincoln, Gandhi, Mandela, Mother Theresa, to name a few. Am I wrong in thinking that if they had lived for some more years, they would have expanded their struggle to the world as a whole, what they first started off within their respective countries? Also, if it is logical and true, simply because of the 'strength in numbers', that a millions-fold magnitude of common men is an invulnerable force in front of a small set of absurd politicians and rulers, then why has the lot of common men not been able to overthrow tyrannical, stupid and divisive politicians, and their politics with them? Why has this not happened as often as it should have? Why have there been only one Gandhi and Mandela and Mother Theresa in a hundred years?  Why have we, the common men, not 'thought through' the crisis humanity as a whole is in and acted on it? Why are the lots of us still buying in to 'the greatest nation on earth', 'the most developed country on earth', 'the best country to live in' etc., and not thinking about 'the greatest world we could ever live in', or, 'the best time to live in the world'? Why is the country always greater than the world? If this is turned on its head, we will definitely be proven right that the whole is greater than the sum of its parts!

I'd rather be a simple and evolving humanitarian than a passionate patriot. To me, the world is the country that I'm a citizen of. I hope I live up to it as long as I last here.

Rajaji

P.S: This is one of the strangest and overly optimistic posts I have ever written!

A reasonable friendship

Friendship without a reason is great, for one can know what is befriended in spite of its imperfections. But friendship with a reason is even greater, for one can know why the what is befriended including its imperfections!

The cure

A friend has a universal cure for any disease of thoughts or feelings; and a universal solution for any problem. The friend is the cure and the solution.

A future from the past

It is easy to lose sight or lack imagination of the big picture ahead, if we are careless enough to forget the small frames and frozen moments that made us what we are today. I think a man who doesn't care about his past and/or hasn't learned from it, is not capable of imagining a great future for himself in his mind. The past is probably the most significant of all motivators of future.

A resolution to change?

Ok. I get it. I think I need to change. As in, not change myself altogether, but change a part of me that could well do away with the seriousness. I myself think I should stop being so serious... serious about everything, serious about nothing (does that still count as being serious?); serious about life and about the million little things that shape my life; serious about my fucking philosophy (did I get the phrase right?), and above all, seriously avoid the serious, thoughtful, composed look I wear on my face all the time. Ok, I will change that look, but I won't use fairness cream to change the way I look. I don't care how I look to others, I only care how I feel about myself. Oops, I got serious!

Coming to the main point of this post: I don't like the resolution crap. Every new year, someone or the other definitely asks 'what is your resolution this year?'. If you don't know me and ask me 'what is your resolution', let me tell you something. It's crap. It's nonsense. Agreed, resolutions are about right things, things we think are essential/good to make oneself better. But, just as it is said that 'There's a never wrong time to do the right thing', there is never a right time to do the right thing either. There is just 'enough time' or 'not enough time'. It is illogical that one has to wait for the right time to do something, one just has time or does not have time. Mind you, this is applicable only for the right and reasonable things. Don't do anything wrong or stupid and then come back to me. It's not on me, got it?

Oops, I got serious again! Well, I don't think I can stop being serious. Live with that too! Thanks.

Rajaji