I believe in soul. My faith, lineage, religious upbringing and a
resurgent personal spiritual realignment all aside, I believe the
concept of soul is a major life-critique. The idea of a
soul, in my opinion, gives us the ability to project our life out of the
physical realm of the body it inhabits and makes us reflect on our
inner self with a critical lens. And when we examine our lives that way,
the good and the bad are easily discernible. We cannot escape our own
critique. We cannot force the mirror called soul to reflect what is not
in us. From those innumerable reflections of all our actions, qualities
and character, we are able to chisel away our imperfections to bring out
the best of the goodness in us, step by step. Truth is the only source of life for the
soul. Anything done in accordance with the eternal truth of the natural laws is the pivot that holds the individual self on its course without deviating from its path to the supreme truth. It is the only way to guide the soul effortlessly on to its merger with the supreme, to the individual jeevāthma to merge with the paramāthma, to the path of the adhvaitin
Showing posts with label Spirit. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Spirit. Show all posts
22 August, 2020
The pivot called soul
30 July, 2020
A friend in need
A friend in need is a friend indeed, not because (s)he is available in times of need, but because (s)he preempts when (s)he might be needed and is always ready! A true friend is always prescient and lives inside the minds of the needy, but it should not be a matter of pride. One should never take pride in the fact that (s)he has been a needed friend. Pride kills the spirit of true friendship
24 July, 2020
The exercise called gratitude
Gratitude is an exercise for the soul that's just as important as physical exercise is for the body. Just as training against gravity strengthens the body, training gratitude daily against the gravity of life strengthens the soul
14 July, 2020
Of struggle & strengths
The point of any struggle is not overcoming the struggle itself, but acquiring the courage to withstand it while it lasts, and the will to see it through while it passes. For the actual point of the struggle passing is but a fleeting moment, but the courage and will acquired are lasting strengths
12 July, 2020
Of constancy & curiosity
Life is a game of opposites & compromises, of constancy of personal principles and a curiosity for social change. In most of the human endeavors that deal with the matters of the heart, it's either the constancy or the curiosity that gains the upper hand, but one does not win over the other, and almost always need each other to appreciate both the presence & absence of each other. And in these testing times, we need a constancy of gratitude for all the blessings bestowed upon each of us, and a curiosity for the betterment of oneself and humanity as a whole. Those of us who are lucky to be in good health, have a job and are taken care of with the necessities of life need to feel the gratitude for the good things that life has bestowed on us, while constantly striving for our betterment, and being curious and caring for the unlucky ones to change their lives one day & one thing at a time.
02 May, 2020
Reality & beauty
The reality of life is made up of our choices and compromises. The beauty of life is in finding meaning and contentment in those choices and compromises. For reality comes from the mind and is a result of logic & reasoning, while beauty comes from the heart and is a result of acceptance and wisdom
19 March, 2020
The passions of tomorrow
It's an ideal title given that we are in a grave global imbalance that is threatening life itself, and we are in the process of trying to stop it and set up a new normal. But this post is not about the reset itself, but my view of what it takes to accept a new reset and how I think I could set myself up for that. In the eight months since dabbling with the idea of many passions, I'm yet to find that tomorrow when I will start picking up one of the callings and doing something with it. I came incredibly close last week to the start of that tomorrow, but it has been put on hold. No hurry, given the reset that is underway. (The truth is I accepted it only after a day of bitter feelings, because the wait was too long! It was self-centered thought and I'm ashamed of it!). Bigger things are at stake for everyone. The next few weeks and months are going to change our lives in more ways than we can imagine.
Good things come to those who wait. The only problem with that is, for some of the things, the wait is just too long! But it is what it is. It shouldn't be surprising that the scales of maturity tilt more towards the spiritual side as one grows up. And one of my measures for that is how quickly I accept setbacks and get back on my feet. This time, a day seemed reasonable. I think I'll get better at it. If everything I wished for happened like clock work, what's the fun in it? And without some crude unexpected fun unleashed upon an adventurous soul, how does one appreciate the whiplashes of Karma?
Here is my realization from all that is happening. The paths for the passions of tomorrow are paved by the due repayment of my debts of today! Karma's account is never off-balance in the end, even though it may not seem so during the process. If it seems off-balance, it's not the end. And that is what this reset makes me think of my own time now. As counterintuitive as it may seem to the path I'm about to set off on, I'm more and more inclined to understand, analyze, soul-search and then set right my debts of each passing day. Or rather, only now it makes all the sense to me to be wearing this lens, exactly when I'm about to set off. It helps set things in perspective!
Sidenote: Sometimes the payment is past due and come with a penalty for the thing/person it is intended to be repaid to. One of the forms of penalty I have encountered is burning a good bridge before reflecting upon and appreciating another person's good wishes for me which I didn't yet acknowledge. And if the moment of genuine reflection is too late, it means nothing to the other person. One's genuineness to another person means nothing if the timing of it isn't right! They couldn't care less if you're too late. After all, there are only so many people who truly wish well for others without expecting anything in return, isn't it? But even above this, the hilarious irony of this is, when you want to be better today than the person you were yesterday, sometimes Karma expects you to be good for all the things you haven't been good at, in one shot!
That's all for this short babble!
Good things come to those who wait. The only problem with that is, for some of the things, the wait is just too long! But it is what it is. It shouldn't be surprising that the scales of maturity tilt more towards the spiritual side as one grows up. And one of my measures for that is how quickly I accept setbacks and get back on my feet. This time, a day seemed reasonable. I think I'll get better at it. If everything I wished for happened like clock work, what's the fun in it? And without some crude unexpected fun unleashed upon an adventurous soul, how does one appreciate the whiplashes of Karma?
Here is my realization from all that is happening. The paths for the passions of tomorrow are paved by the due repayment of my debts of today! Karma's account is never off-balance in the end, even though it may not seem so during the process. If it seems off-balance, it's not the end. And that is what this reset makes me think of my own time now. As counterintuitive as it may seem to the path I'm about to set off on, I'm more and more inclined to understand, analyze, soul-search and then set right my debts of each passing day. Or rather, only now it makes all the sense to me to be wearing this lens, exactly when I'm about to set off. It helps set things in perspective!
Sidenote: Sometimes the payment is past due and come with a penalty for the thing/person it is intended to be repaid to. One of the forms of penalty I have encountered is burning a good bridge before reflecting upon and appreciating another person's good wishes for me which I didn't yet acknowledge. And if the moment of genuine reflection is too late, it means nothing to the other person. One's genuineness to another person means nothing if the timing of it isn't right! They couldn't care less if you're too late. After all, there are only so many people who truly wish well for others without expecting anything in return, isn't it? But even above this, the hilarious irony of this is, when you want to be better today than the person you were yesterday, sometimes Karma expects you to be good for all the things you haven't been good at, in one shot!
That's all for this short babble!
16 January, 2020
Better late than later...
Happy New Year and Happy Pongal wishes to y'all, belated though!
Over the course of the last few roller-coaster years, I have realized that ambitious resolutions in the new year generally don't take me far when I take stock at the end of the year. I'd rather have some blend of the SMART goals (specific, measurable, achievable, relevant, time-bound! Yes, management jargon. No one I know has mastered them, let's at least use it in language). So, I have a few simple resolutions for 2020 that have at least one or two of the 5 smart aspects combined. And I'm late by 3 days on one of the resolutions. But that's fine. I'd rather do it late than a little later (hence the title!). At the end of the year, I'll let you guess what that is.
This year I'm gonna travel. Except that it'd be across time zones, I don't exactly how far or how often, except one. But I'm sure it'll be a year of travelearning (bingo, i just had this pop up extempore to mean 'learning from travel experiences'!). 2019 had a few bumpy crossroads in sight on the professional side, when I could have taken on a new path, when I was ready to test the dirt & gravel on the unpaved roads leading to I don't know where. But I was lured back to the normalcy of the finely-laid, well-marked tar road of the mundane salaried-job! But I think I have waited enough this time. I will hit the dirt and see what I have to face.
As I take on the challenges I can and cannot foresee yet, I'll try my best to let myself be guided, consciously and conscientiously, by four principles below. One Advaitin, one Confucianism, one Haruki Murakami and one anon (in that order).
Over the course of the last few roller-coaster years, I have realized that ambitious resolutions in the new year generally don't take me far when I take stock at the end of the year. I'd rather have some blend of the SMART goals (specific, measurable, achievable, relevant, time-bound! Yes, management jargon. No one I know has mastered them, let's at least use it in language). So, I have a few simple resolutions for 2020 that have at least one or two of the 5 smart aspects combined. And I'm late by 3 days on one of the resolutions. But that's fine. I'd rather do it late than a little later (hence the title!). At the end of the year, I'll let you guess what that is.
This year I'm gonna travel. Except that it'd be across time zones, I don't exactly how far or how often, except one. But I'm sure it'll be a year of travelearning (bingo, i just had this pop up extempore to mean 'learning from travel experiences'!). 2019 had a few bumpy crossroads in sight on the professional side, when I could have taken on a new path, when I was ready to test the dirt & gravel on the unpaved roads leading to I don't know where. But I was lured back to the normalcy of the finely-laid, well-marked tar road of the mundane salaried-job! But I think I have waited enough this time. I will hit the dirt and see what I have to face.
As I take on the challenges I can and cannot foresee yet, I'll try my best to let myself be guided, consciously and conscientiously, by four principles below. One Advaitin, one Confucianism, one Haruki Murakami and one anon (in that order).
- Aham Brahmaasmi
- It doesn't matter how slow you go, as long as you do not stop
- Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional
- Tomorrow you will wish you had started today
There! Done. Once in a while I know I stray off, but the lights are in the mind to guide back to the paths! I hope some of these help you in your endeavors too!
Welcome to the New Year!
21 July, 2019
Run... come what may
Come what may...
This is the idea behind 100 days of running (HDOR) - a challenge I've taken up for the 2nd time in 3 years. To me, more than fitness, it's a means to improve consistency, in running and gradually in other habits too. I used to be a person who got bored easily with routine - whether it was work or personal things. In a way, picking up running as my sport has helped me deal with routine in a sportive and a little bit more interesting way. As soon as I crossed the habitual milestone (the time after which an activity becomes a habit and the anxiety of having to stick to a daily plan for it vanishes) in anything I did, the habit gets set and so does the routine.
What I have come to realize, not just in running but generally in any activity, is that a lack of surprise stimulus (just coined this term, for lack of a better sounding and interesting word) turns a habit into boredom rapidly. Thereafter, it is sheer routine, and more routine, as a force of habit (like work!). And so, after 35+ days, HDOR was becoming uninteresting. After all, what could be so much fun about running 3 kms everyday? But something in me kept me going with this routine, awaiting a surprise stimulus, or even a miracle, that would make all the running worth its while. It didn't come, no stimulus or miracle.
Just before HDOR kicked off, our bunch of running friends decided to sign up for the SHHM, a half marathon up and down the Satara hill in Maharashtra, in August. This would be the first time for most of us, so you can imagine the enthusiasm and all. Our bunch of runners signed up with a coach to train for the run. I preferred to train alone and excused myself, only because there were days of rest built into the training, and I didn't want it to interfere with HDOR. To me, HDOR meant running all the 100 days, even though HDOR itself counts rest days in the 100 days, which I had not read earlier (you see, the relaxations in the rules do matter!). So, in retrospect, my resolve to run all 100 days is the first surprise stimulus I had given myself, unaware of it then.
I generally intend to focus more on strength training and so I decided to keep my running limited for this edition. At around the 35th day, which was my habitual milestone for HDOR, I wasn't strength-training much. So I thought I'd at least run better and longer this year. And so, regardless of how it was to be done, I set 512 kms as the target for 2019's HDOR (I did 511.5 kms in 2017). Around the same time, it struck me that I had been running just about 3-4 kms a day, and would end up way short of 512 Kms if I continued to run with that lackadaisical attitude. I shouldn't be running a hundred days for the sake of it. I should be running for the love of it. So, renewed targets. 6 kms every day at the least for the remaining 60+ days. As part of the prep for SHHM, our guys planned to do 15 kms once every week on flat roads or 10 kms on a nearby hill, only shorter and smaller than Satara but did the trick of simulation training. We did this mostly on Saturdays, and sometimes on Sundays. That took care of the daily average needed to be maintained. So I still had the luxury to run just about 4 kms during some weekdays. This routine took care of the next 7-8 weeks. Another 50 days covered, you see. Also, I made my personal best running month in June - 153 kms.
July is a good time for runners in Chennai. That's when the city starts to turn around from hottest to hotter. A few short showers show up, thanks to the Southwest monsoon for some mercy (July rains in Chennai are still in deficit every year, not as much rains as the monsoon should be bringing). But that is enough for a nature-loving, outdoorsy runner to look up to the rest of the year. So, naturally for me, it was a good feeling about the remaining days of HDOR.
Day 80 - I skipped the morning run as I had an errand to take care of early in the morning before shooting off to work. By evening, the skies had grown dark and there was clear signs of rain. Sure enough, it started to drizzle on and off at around 8 PM. I had just gotten back home and was anxious if I'd miss a day so close towards the end. By 930PM it hadn't slowed down. But something told me to hit the beach to run and I started off.
God is in the rains as much as in the absence of rains, in lighting and in thunder
I came home an elated man that He had intended me to experience running that night, in ways like never before. If that isn't "run... come what may", nothing will ever be. Who knows, you may end up with a miracle as your legs tire and stop, but your beating heart doesn't slow down!
This is the idea behind 100 days of running (HDOR) - a challenge I've taken up for the 2nd time in 3 years. To me, more than fitness, it's a means to improve consistency, in running and gradually in other habits too. I used to be a person who got bored easily with routine - whether it was work or personal things. In a way, picking up running as my sport has helped me deal with routine in a sportive and a little bit more interesting way. As soon as I crossed the habitual milestone (the time after which an activity becomes a habit and the anxiety of having to stick to a daily plan for it vanishes) in anything I did, the habit gets set and so does the routine.
What I have come to realize, not just in running but generally in any activity, is that a lack of surprise stimulus (just coined this term, for lack of a better sounding and interesting word) turns a habit into boredom rapidly. Thereafter, it is sheer routine, and more routine, as a force of habit (like work!). And so, after 35+ days, HDOR was becoming uninteresting. After all, what could be so much fun about running 3 kms everyday? But something in me kept me going with this routine, awaiting a surprise stimulus, or even a miracle, that would make all the running worth its while. It didn't come, no stimulus or miracle.
Just before HDOR kicked off, our bunch of running friends decided to sign up for the SHHM, a half marathon up and down the Satara hill in Maharashtra, in August. This would be the first time for most of us, so you can imagine the enthusiasm and all. Our bunch of runners signed up with a coach to train for the run. I preferred to train alone and excused myself, only because there were days of rest built into the training, and I didn't want it to interfere with HDOR. To me, HDOR meant running all the 100 days, even though HDOR itself counts rest days in the 100 days, which I had not read earlier (you see, the relaxations in the rules do matter!). So, in retrospect, my resolve to run all 100 days is the first surprise stimulus I had given myself, unaware of it then.
I generally intend to focus more on strength training and so I decided to keep my running limited for this edition. At around the 35th day, which was my habitual milestone for HDOR, I wasn't strength-training much. So I thought I'd at least run better and longer this year. And so, regardless of how it was to be done, I set 512 kms as the target for 2019's HDOR (I did 511.5 kms in 2017). Around the same time, it struck me that I had been running just about 3-4 kms a day, and would end up way short of 512 Kms if I continued to run with that lackadaisical attitude. I shouldn't be running a hundred days for the sake of it. I should be running for the love of it. So, renewed targets. 6 kms every day at the least for the remaining 60+ days. As part of the prep for SHHM, our guys planned to do 15 kms once every week on flat roads or 10 kms on a nearby hill, only shorter and smaller than Satara but did the trick of simulation training. We did this mostly on Saturdays, and sometimes on Sundays. That took care of the daily average needed to be maintained. So I still had the luxury to run just about 4 kms during some weekdays. This routine took care of the next 7-8 weeks. Another 50 days covered, you see. Also, I made my personal best running month in June - 153 kms.
July is a good time for runners in Chennai. That's when the city starts to turn around from hottest to hotter. A few short showers show up, thanks to the Southwest monsoon for some mercy (July rains in Chennai are still in deficit every year, not as much rains as the monsoon should be bringing). But that is enough for a nature-loving, outdoorsy runner to look up to the rest of the year. So, naturally for me, it was a good feeling about the remaining days of HDOR.
Day 80 - I skipped the morning run as I had an errand to take care of early in the morning before shooting off to work. By evening, the skies had grown dark and there was clear signs of rain. Sure enough, it started to drizzle on and off at around 8 PM. I had just gotten back home and was anxious if I'd miss a day so close towards the end. By 930PM it hadn't slowed down. But something told me to hit the beach to run and I started off.
God is in the rains as much as in the absence of rains, in lighting and in thunder
नमो वर्ष्याय च अवर्ष्याय च;
नमो मेघ्याय च विध्युथ्याय च;
नमो वात्याय च रेष्मियाय च -
(Namo varshyaaya cha avarshyaaya cha; namo meghyaaya cha vidhyuthyaaya cha; namo vaathyaaya cha reshmiyaaya cha;)
Salutations to him [Lord Rudra] who is in rain water and who is also in places where it does not rain; Salutations to him who is in the clouds and who is also in lightning; Salutations to him who is in the form of rainy storm and to him who is in the form of dry hoarse wind -
Sri Rudram)At 10PM, the beach was empty. Not a soul around, save a few dogs, the inhabitants and rulers of that stretch. That night, it all happened. By far, it was the loudest and brightest night I had ever come across in my life, really. The sky roared and shone and poured so much that it was a real physical pain to my eyes to see the asphalt from which the lightning reflected immensely, to my ears to be open to the loudest bangs, and to my head to bear the brunt of the heavy shower. For a few moments, I was even afraid, to put the thing in perspective! It was half an hour of earth shattering grandeur that would put any doubtful mind to rest of the presence of a Power Above. I have never been more thankful for being able to run and witness a spectacle like that.
I came home an elated man that He had intended me to experience running that night, in ways like never before. If that isn't "run... come what may", nothing will ever be. Who knows, you may end up with a miracle as your legs tire and stop, but your beating heart doesn't slow down!
29 June, 2019
A runner's guilt
There could have been a better title for this post. Still I'm intentionally keeping it this way, for the directional intent of where this is coming from. But it is not all negative. Go on.
As I write, I have never been in a more welcoming environment than where I am now. It's a still, cool evening. The sky is an awesome pale blue, with white patches of paper clouds here and there. A jet is tearing through the sky, leaving a trail of white fog that is cutting the sky into two. Way below that, and just above my head, all kinds of birds are heading home, the sound of pleasure in their chirps. So I'd like to think. My favorites are the cuckoo couple - the red-bead-eyed black male and the white-grey spotted female, and the innumerable companies of parrots that glide past my terrace everyday right about this time. It's a kind of serene calm now even amidst the constant chirps. So that's the setting now in which I'm retrospecting.
I seem to be in a perennial writer's block when I try to think of a new idea or frame a new social concept or philosophy to write about. Those days just seem to be gone for a while now. I'm trying to operate on that mode of thought and feeling. If I could, I would instill a pace-maker to that part of the heart that works on these areas to beat normally! That is, if there ever is such a part in the heart like the different parts of the brain (as if I'm using those effectively!!).
And so, the simplest thing to get me writing is to do with running. I love running, so I have no block or problem writing about it. Tomorrow would mark the first time in 24 months that I would have run 150 kms in a month. This is the second full month in the '100 Days of Running' challenge for 2019. (I ran 125 kms in May). The last time I clocked 150+ was June 2017 during that year's 100DoR. My mind went back to the circumstances of that year's challenge. It was a run-rage that I took on, in some serious testing times of my personal life. And today I reflect on how much things have changed since. Back then, the running used to cure me of negativism. Now, it keeps me composed and contained from too much positivism. In both cases, it has just helped me stay on track. And this is the guilt that has captured me now. Why is my running becoming a refuge or a neutralizer to just keep me normal? Why is my running keeping me normal and not elevating me as a person? How could I love something that is just normal? Or is it because my running cures and contains me that is making me love it more? Or to simply state - Why am I not running for the love of it, if I truly did love it?
I'm only reminded of Haruki Murakami's golden words that still keep me going about running - "I'm not a great runner, but I'm definitely a strong runner". No one could state it simpler and more powerfully than this, to keep someone like me running. By God's grace, I have never been left wanting for strength, at least when it comes to running since I picked it up as the sport for me four years ago. That strength will be enough to overcome the guilt and embrace love, my love for running. And that strength is enough to keep this lone wolf going!
12 December, 2017
How I ran the Bangalore Ultramarathon 2017
I'm writing this exactly a month after I ran the Bangalore Ultramarathon 2017.
Grossly under-prepared is certainly an understatement! The thrill of over-running - my foot! Remember I had a plan on how to complete the 50kms? It was a flawed plan, and I had prepared it way worse than I thought. So I won't tell you what it was! But I somehow managed to finish the 50kms, in 7:30 hrs. For someone who can now do a Half-marathon on tar roads in humid weather in about 2:15 hours on average, taking 3 hours for the first 25kms was disturbing, to say the least, especially in a bamboo forest trail on a pleasant early morning. And you can imagine the next 25! Maybe I bordered on a mix of over-confidence and lethargy. I had expected to be slow, but not this much. The finish was definitely Mother Nature's grace!
So, here is the series of silly events leading to an oh-so-stellar finish! (Sometimes I enjoy ridiculing myself just too much!)
The second half: The most surprising part to me in the second half was that how many runners ahead of me kept running without a break for some food. I stopped right at the food counter at the end of the first 25kms, gorged down 2 idlis and 1 vada, even before changing my socks. Took about 30 mins in all to recoup. But these people ahead of me were surprising, to be able to go on for 50kms with a glass of water or Enerzal, a slice or two of orange or banana! Oops! Must have been real runners! I'm in wrong company!
Lack of sleep was starting to show up, as soon as I hit the 35th km. A stinging headache gripped me, and I thought that was it. The worst thing that can happen to a runner halfway through a marathon is the slightest thought of giving up. The thought is a vice that instantly grips the mind and the heart. 'So, what's the point' is how it proliferates. Beyond a point, it's not the legs that run. It's the mind and the heart together. You tend to forget that legs exist. You don't know what to do to finish. The way I had figured it out when it came to a struggle - 'forget running. If I can't run a step more, I better walk. If I can't walk, I better crawl to the finish'. But now I was at the 40th km and I was done for! I had come to a point when I felt I can't even crawl. I wanted to give up. I so wanted to!
And then came the music! No vice can stand the power of music that melts a heart, that inspires, that re-energizes a draining soul, that does what not! It's not the body that then takes you forward. It's a Higher Calling. You don't need legs to run. You don't even need the mind and heart to do it together, for you don't know where they are either. It's a spirit that flies now, unbound from the tangles of every worldly thing there is, unbound from the flesh that couldn't contain it any longer. It's inexplicable, the power of music to drive a soul to reach for anything, big or small! I just kept going and somehow got to the finish line. 4 hrs from the 26th to the 50th km. It was finally over.
Post the finish, a woman came up to me and said with a thumbs-up: 'good one'. She must have been in her mid-thirties. 'I was running a little bit behind you for a long time, but saw you fly away suddenly from the 45th km!'. It was then that I realized the music had done its job!
Grossly under-prepared is certainly an understatement! The thrill of over-running - my foot! Remember I had a plan on how to complete the 50kms? It was a flawed plan, and I had prepared it way worse than I thought. So I won't tell you what it was! But I somehow managed to finish the 50kms, in 7:30 hrs. For someone who can now do a Half-marathon on tar roads in humid weather in about 2:15 hours on average, taking 3 hours for the first 25kms was disturbing, to say the least, especially in a bamboo forest trail on a pleasant early morning. And you can imagine the next 25! Maybe I bordered on a mix of over-confidence and lethargy. I had expected to be slow, but not this much. The finish was definitely Mother Nature's grace!
So, here is the series of silly events leading to an oh-so-stellar finish! (Sometimes I enjoy ridiculing myself just too much!)
- Traveling from Chennai to Bangalore on a 2nd class sitting coach in a day train, just on the evening before the run, and so reaching my guest house way later than I should have. Brilliant first step!
- Lack of sleep - This was the most pronounced part of my over-confidence. 4 hours sleep before a 50Kms run. What was I thinking??
- Not carrying a sweater - it's 4 AM on a November morning and I had to travel 40kms by van to get to the forest, and wait in the 'Start' area for about an hour. Come on, man!
The second half: The most surprising part to me in the second half was that how many runners ahead of me kept running without a break for some food. I stopped right at the food counter at the end of the first 25kms, gorged down 2 idlis and 1 vada, even before changing my socks. Took about 30 mins in all to recoup. But these people ahead of me were surprising, to be able to go on for 50kms with a glass of water or Enerzal, a slice or two of orange or banana! Oops! Must have been real runners! I'm in wrong company!
Lack of sleep was starting to show up, as soon as I hit the 35th km. A stinging headache gripped me, and I thought that was it. The worst thing that can happen to a runner halfway through a marathon is the slightest thought of giving up. The thought is a vice that instantly grips the mind and the heart. 'So, what's the point' is how it proliferates. Beyond a point, it's not the legs that run. It's the mind and the heart together. You tend to forget that legs exist. You don't know what to do to finish. The way I had figured it out when it came to a struggle - 'forget running. If I can't run a step more, I better walk. If I can't walk, I better crawl to the finish'. But now I was at the 40th km and I was done for! I had come to a point when I felt I can't even crawl. I wanted to give up. I so wanted to!
And then came the music! No vice can stand the power of music that melts a heart, that inspires, that re-energizes a draining soul, that does what not! It's not the body that then takes you forward. It's a Higher Calling. You don't need legs to run. You don't even need the mind and heart to do it together, for you don't know where they are either. It's a spirit that flies now, unbound from the tangles of every worldly thing there is, unbound from the flesh that couldn't contain it any longer. It's inexplicable, the power of music to drive a soul to reach for anything, big or small! I just kept going and somehow got to the finish line. 4 hrs from the 26th to the 50th km. It was finally over.
Post the finish, a woman came up to me and said with a thumbs-up: 'good one'. She must have been in her mid-thirties. 'I was running a little bit behind you for a long time, but saw you fly away suddenly from the 45th km!'. It was then that I realized the music had done its job!
15 May, 2016
And I'll do it all over again!
My limited presence here is no indication that I've been busy, terribly or otherwise. I didn't write. I just didn't write. That's it. Maybe I waited for the 'right time' or maybe I waited indefinitely for the 'right thoughts'. And, man, am I glad at last to be here and write again! Funnily enough, none of the 'more running, more writing, more books, more music' happened for me to be away so long. (Yes, I did run a bit, but nowhere close to what I had planned or hoped for. Let me see if I can pick it up the rest of the year). I still haven't gotten out of my habit of 'losing the thoughts' before I arrest them here. Clearly a lack of concentration and shortened attention spans! But I will overcome those.
I am a human being. A normal human being, molded, toughened, shaped and formed by all the super forces that are above my potential to master - Love, Kindness, Mother Nature's benevolence and mercy, to name a few. But the ways to get to be a superhuman are not scarce. In fact, there are not 'many ways'. There is one, just one truth told in many ways. Often, it's so easy to get lost in the concept of the 'false-real' - that my life is the greatest show and I'm born to rule. In the 'grand scheme of things', I'm nothing. Just a speck in the universe, the vast vast universe that is made up of just too many specks like myself. But, this misconception is only because of the wrong notion that I'm distinct from the 'grand scheme'. This is where the wisdom of superhumans helps. The advaitins like Aadishankara or the stoic masters like Seneca. The omnipresent power and wisdom of those who have already 'been there, done that', and passed that wisdom too. By their grace and the force of my will, I'm able to reinforce the lessons from them myself when I face odds in any situation. I just need to hold on to them and not let them go.
Clearly, there are still many moments of 'rocking the boat', but my masters show the way. And, the lessons from self-awareness surely do help too. As much as I have felt proud of my volition to define my paths and stick to them, there are obviously 'powers that be' that keep testing my limits. Somehow I'm holding on and standing my ground. I will stand my ground. And I'll do it all over again!
Cheers.
I am a human being. A normal human being, molded, toughened, shaped and formed by all the super forces that are above my potential to master - Love, Kindness, Mother Nature's benevolence and mercy, to name a few. But the ways to get to be a superhuman are not scarce. In fact, there are not 'many ways'. There is one, just one truth told in many ways. Often, it's so easy to get lost in the concept of the 'false-real' - that my life is the greatest show and I'm born to rule. In the 'grand scheme of things', I'm nothing. Just a speck in the universe, the vast vast universe that is made up of just too many specks like myself. But, this misconception is only because of the wrong notion that I'm distinct from the 'grand scheme'. This is where the wisdom of superhumans helps. The advaitins like Aadishankara or the stoic masters like Seneca. The omnipresent power and wisdom of those who have already 'been there, done that', and passed that wisdom too. By their grace and the force of my will, I'm able to reinforce the lessons from them myself when I face odds in any situation. I just need to hold on to them and not let them go.
ब्रह्म सत्यं जगन्मिथ्या
जीवो ब्रह्मैव नापरः
"Brahman (all-pervasive absolute consciousness) is the truth, the world is unreal. The individual soul is no different from Brahman" - Aadishankara
Clearly, there are still many moments of 'rocking the boat', but my masters show the way. And, the lessons from self-awareness surely do help too. As much as I have felt proud of my volition to define my paths and stick to them, there are obviously 'powers that be' that keep testing my limits. Somehow I'm holding on and standing my ground. I will stand my ground. And I'll do it all over again!
Cheers.
31 January, 2016
2016 Professional Running - Run One
Today was a special day. One that brought me one more step closer to realizing my potential. I kicked off the first professional run for the year with The Wipro Chennai Marathon's Half marathon, one that is also my first half marathon. The end of the 21.1 Kms felt a lot less painful that I had anticipated. And that now looks like the beginning of an era of professional running I plan to compete in.
Here's to more running!
Cheers!
Here's to more running!
Cheers!
09 June, 2013
Life and death
Not a day goes by, in these times,
that I don't look up the sky for you,
when at times there's too much to take,
with you, they would've been easier.
I feel you pretty strong, but sans touch,
the warmth and life, sans holding hands,
Alas, not much remain but thoughts,
of how nice life would've been, together.
Not much remain but strong memories,
some momentous and some fleeting.
Somewhere beyond the clouds, in the azure,
I know you're there, silently watching.
But the clouds stay too long sometimes,
stealing the view, that of the grandeur in you.
Still, every dawn when the sun rises up,
I see you, feel you, hold you, and hug you.
You're with me, I know, stronger than ever.
Though sometimes you're just too far away,
that I know you want me to get on, by myself.
We'll always play this game of hide and seek,
where when you hide, you want me to be strong,
be brave and keep pushing through the crowd,
and when you seek me, then you'll know,
that I've lived and outlived the trivial world,
then I'll join you in the abode of great Gods,
the likes of you and me the world'd never know.
12 April, 2012
On the vain love for superlatives and leaders
I probably belong to the generation where there has been, and is likely to be, the maximum number of the greatest/largest/biggest and many more superlative phenomena. It could also be the generation which is seeing most of these superlative phenomena bite the dust, anything ranging from the greatest innovation, idea, product, movement etc.. In most cases, the starting point for any of these phenomena to become the greatest/biggest/largest is what I'd call the 'superlative attribution' to an individual or a small group running the show from ground up. And that's where I see the irony. No individual starts a revolution or an invention wanting to be the greatest/largest/biggest contributor of any means to the society. The revolution or invention is most likely to have started as a sign of a need, a passion or a rebellion. As a matter of objective disposition and thought, a superlative attribution is, in reality, a nightmare to such an individual.
I think an individual with a dream or a vision to contribute something of value to mankind is never bothered about what qualities people attribute to him/her. His/her wish, focus and vision is only the work. Despite this simple wish of the individual to be focused on the work alone, the society just cannot keep itself from pouring out all the adulation and reverence for the superlative qualities he/she apparently possesses. And this generally tends to dampen the individual's focus and sometimes he/she may, in fact, fail too. And my generation is awash with examples of this kind.
I think it should take utmost courage and conviction for an individual to be indifferent to, and uninfluenced in any way, by such nightmarish consequences of superlative attribution. The society quickly develops whims and fancies for such an individual. It is basically a follower society, i.e a society with eager followers always looking for a leader to show them the means of life in grand ways. In other words, a follower society is a society whose spirits of individual thoughts and initiatives are dampened, and looks outward for a spirited leader, who just did not happen to let his own spirit dampen! In most cases, the leader himself/herself would have been no more than an ordinary person who just held on a little longer than the rest of the crowd. Or worse, who was just inadvertently helped by the dampened crowd to hold on after the crowd had let itself down.
In a huge clout of such undeserving followers, and sometimes, eventually, unfit leaders, it again takes the utmost courage and conviction for the individual to be dispassionate and indifferent to that wretched society. This brings to me a revelation that it is most worthwhile to be part of a brotherhood of equal and just individuals, than to be a part of revering followers and spirited leaders. For, in being a follower, an individual loses his/her own concept of life and vision of things; and in being a leader, an individual thrusts his/her concept of life and vision of things, deliberately or inadvertently. At some point, there is bound to be dissent, dissatisfaction or fatigue among both the groups.
The major conflict between the superlative individuals and the simple individuals lies in the fact that the mere presence/attribution of superlatives indicates a copy/duplicate of the individual is just somewhere on the same line, thereby only indicating the deluge of the undeserving and the unfit. And there awaits a catastrophe for the individual and liberal spirit!
To all the vain superlatives... Give up your vanity! Go, get a life. And live it in your own terms! Or, at best, with your brotherhood.
I think an individual with a dream or a vision to contribute something of value to mankind is never bothered about what qualities people attribute to him/her. His/her wish, focus and vision is only the work. Despite this simple wish of the individual to be focused on the work alone, the society just cannot keep itself from pouring out all the adulation and reverence for the superlative qualities he/she apparently possesses. And this generally tends to dampen the individual's focus and sometimes he/she may, in fact, fail too. And my generation is awash with examples of this kind.
I think it should take utmost courage and conviction for an individual to be indifferent to, and uninfluenced in any way, by such nightmarish consequences of superlative attribution. The society quickly develops whims and fancies for such an individual. It is basically a follower society, i.e a society with eager followers always looking for a leader to show them the means of life in grand ways. In other words, a follower society is a society whose spirits of individual thoughts and initiatives are dampened, and looks outward for a spirited leader, who just did not happen to let his own spirit dampen! In most cases, the leader himself/herself would have been no more than an ordinary person who just held on a little longer than the rest of the crowd. Or worse, who was just inadvertently helped by the dampened crowd to hold on after the crowd had let itself down.
In a huge clout of such undeserving followers, and sometimes, eventually, unfit leaders, it again takes the utmost courage and conviction for the individual to be dispassionate and indifferent to that wretched society. This brings to me a revelation that it is most worthwhile to be part of a brotherhood of equal and just individuals, than to be a part of revering followers and spirited leaders. For, in being a follower, an individual loses his/her own concept of life and vision of things; and in being a leader, an individual thrusts his/her concept of life and vision of things, deliberately or inadvertently. At some point, there is bound to be dissent, dissatisfaction or fatigue among both the groups.
The major conflict between the superlative individuals and the simple individuals lies in the fact that the mere presence/attribution of superlatives indicates a copy/duplicate of the individual is just somewhere on the same line, thereby only indicating the deluge of the undeserving and the unfit. And there awaits a catastrophe for the individual and liberal spirit!
To all the vain superlatives... Give up your vanity! Go, get a life. And live it in your own terms! Or, at best, with your brotherhood.
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