On fame

What is fame but a vice traversing between two restless minds, the one that seeks what itself cannot generate in its own moral mirror, and the other that gives away precious time in generating it for the one instead of sharpening its own intellect. For the former, seeking fame stimulates anxiety, while for the latter giving fame stimulates emptiness of itself and jealousy on the former. Thus, fame as its own vice generates two other vices, anxiety and jealousy. The shortest route to self-discovery is the contempt of fame.

A brief and simple excuse

Brevity and Simplicity - two qualities that I have come to admire very much in everything that I try to do these days, and in every walk of my own complex life. So much so that these two are the best reasons I can ever give for any of my shortcomings in the once-profound capacity for writing I used to love about myself (or so I console my alter-ego to whom writing meant everything!). There! A brief and simple excuse for a long and complex shortcoming!

Growth and contentment

 It's tough trying to be a strict adherent of a philosophical way of life in these modern times, especially the school of Stoicism, but I'm never giving up on the journey. I can confidently say that every day is a betterment. But it's almost like I need an alter-ego to embrace the principles of a stoic way of life on the one hand, and trying to gel with the society, trying to play the role of an active social animal with all the likes/dislikes, differences, opinions and so on, on the other hand. But there is a purpose and a set of moral principles and guidelines I try to follow in every thing I do and in the way I try to live. Getting better at those never stops, it's a journey with scope for continuous betterment. I strive to keep that in check as much as I can so that the compromise between my stoic self and the social animal is a peaceful acceptance and a pleasant co-existence. As always, there is Seneca to the rescue and guidance:

One's life should be a compromise between the ideal and the popular morality. People should admire our way of life but they should at the same time find it understandable  - Letter V, Letters from a Stoic

This is how I learn and strive to strike a balance between being humbled & contented with what life throws at me (as a proper stoic disciple should) and working to grow as a better social animal. The alter-egos will eventually merge at some point when I will have surrounded myself with like social animals and we don't have a veil of compromise between us

The intentional skip

 What sticks as a habit, a good habit, is a curious longing to get back to doing what is an irresistible act of practice that shapes us to be a better person by the day. The best way I have found to test the stickiness and urge to develop a good habit is to intentionally skip practising it for a couple of days in the peak of the development process. To me, it's a good yardstick for what I believe matters to me as a good habit worth developing. As my Stoic learnings develop more roots upon which to stand my soul firmly, I often remind myself of Seneca's lesson - cultivate an asset which the passing of time itself improves. I'm putting it into practice day by day to make it a personal test I assess myself on often. A true liking to develop an asset urges me to resume the specific practice, unable to hold off any longer. So far so good.

The pivot called soul

 I believe in soul. My faith, lineage, religious upbringing and a resurgent personal spiritual realignment all aside, I believe the concept of soul is a major life-critique. The idea of a soul, in my opinion, gives us the ability to project our life out of the physical realm of the body it inhabits and makes us reflect on our inner self with a critical lens. And when we examine our lives that way, the good and the bad are easily discernible. We cannot escape our own critique. We cannot force the mirror called soul to reflect what is not in us. From those innumerable reflections of all our actions, qualities and character, we are able to chisel away our imperfections to bring out the best of the goodness in us, step by step. Truth is the only source of life for the soul. Anything done in accordance with the eternal truth of the natural laws is the pivot that holds the individual self on its course without deviating from its path to the supreme truth. It is the only way to guide the soul effortlessly on to its merger with the supreme, to the individual jeevāthma to merge with the paramāthma, to the path of the adhvaitin

The hand sanitizer man

Nearly two years ago, I met a stranger at the Guindy Snake Park. I had taken my nephews, 9 and 6, on an exhibition there that included handling of reptiles including some rare kinds of lizards, snakes and tortoises. There was this man, probably older than me, with his son who was about the same age as my elder nephew. As the exhibition began, kids were encouraged to handle the reptiles and were given turns. As soon as my nephews finished their turn handling a tortoise, a rock python and a sand boa, I applied hand sanitizer and made them rub it all over their hands for a good minute. This man was curious and asked me what it was. It was quite a surprise to me. I would've normally expected someone like him to know what it is. When I told him what it was briefly, his face lit up and he asked 'How does this work? Is this available generally or in pharmacies only? Is it safe? Is it costly?' and so on. That it needed no washing with water was a revelation to him. But more than the questions themselves, it was the look on his face that I can never forget. It wasn't his questions or his lack of knowledge that was surprising to me. It wasn't his ignorance of the thing, but the innocence of his demeanor that unsettled me. For being generally taciturn to strangers, I felt surprised at how long I spoke with him on this small matter. After he admitted that he was actually excited about this and was going to buy some for his son, we went our own ways. I felt a tinge of joy, maybe even a tinge of unnecessary pride, that I taught a stranger a small new thing.

Since the start of COVID-19, whenever I have had to apply some hand sanitizer, his face pops up in my mind promptly and briefly. But today, he's lingering in my mind more than I want him to. I hope he and his son are safe. I hope he got to buy it and use it for his family. If he did, that's enough joy for me from this simple thing

A friend in need

A friend in need is a friend indeed, not because (s)he is available in times of need, but because (s)he preempts when (s)he might be needed and is always ready! A true friend is always prescient and lives inside the minds of the needy, but it should not be a matter of pride. One should never take pride in the fact that (s)he has been a needed friend. Pride kills the spirit of true friendship

The exercise called gratitude

Gratitude is an exercise for the soul that's just as important as physical exercise is for the body. Just as training against gravity strengthens the body, training gratitude daily against the gravity of life strengthens the soul

Of common man's clichés and truth

Is it because the common man's life is a journey of clichés that the clichés become his truth, or is it because his many paths to the truth in life are so clichéd that the truth itself becomes a cliché?

Of struggle & strengths

The point of any struggle is not overcoming the struggle itself, but acquiring the courage to withstand it while it lasts, and the will to see it through while it passes. For the actual point of the struggle passing is but a fleeting moment, but the courage and will acquired are lasting strengths

Of constancy & curiosity

Life is a game of opposites & compromises, of constancy of personal principles and a curiosity for social change. In most of the human endeavors that deal with the matters of the heart, it's either the constancy or the curiosity that gains the upper hand, but one does not win over the other, and almost always need each other to appreciate both the presence & absence of each other. And in these testing times, we need a constancy of gratitude for all the blessings bestowed upon each of us, and a curiosity for the betterment of oneself and humanity as a whole. Those of us who are lucky to be in good health, have a job and are taken care of with the necessities of life need to feel the gratitude for the good things that life has bestowed on us, while constantly striving for our betterment, and being curious and caring for the unlucky ones to change their lives one day & one thing at a time.

The loop of acceptance

As much as we have convinced ourselves and accepted the fact that these are tough times, for work, for businesses, for families and for the communities, and that the new normal is totally abnormal, I retrospect a little bit in a differnet frame of mind and find that this has been a time of blessing. There has never been a better time to count the true blessings in life for what they teach us about life, and death. Life is only meaningful because the discerning eye defines purpose. Because in death, there is no discrimination or purpose.

It's surprising, and worth retrospecting, how our perspective of life changes in a short time. In the sixty days since the lockdown and other controlling measures kicked in and have been in place, I have been going back to the Stoic basics and it has never made so much sense as it has now. I have crossed ocenas and am now on the othe side of the world. Life changes for me as I speak. And I have indeed risked coming in contact with and getting infected through unknowns (God knows who had what virus in those cramped airports and fully-packed flights!). But I had to take the flight even in that dire situation. And I can't emphasize enough that somewhere in all that chaos, it was all pure luck and timing. Back home, I hear from friends and family that the virus has caught on to their neighbors. It gets personal this time, doesn't it?

All this does nothing to assuage the fear that life is totally unpredictable and unplannable, and acceptance is the only way forward. We can whine all about bad luck or we can accept life with equanimity. Hence there is a perspective shift from 'plan for the worst, hope for the best' to 'live for good, the here and now'. There is no plan that cannot be disrupted. Our plans may appear too good to fail, but never underestimate the power of luck and timing, and Karma.

We propose. Karma/Luck/Timing disposes. We accept. We strive. And with enough practice of acceptance, peace bestows herself upon us.

And the loop plays forever.

Reality & beauty

The reality of life is made up of our choices and compromises. The beauty of life is in finding meaning and contentment in those choices and compromises. For reality comes from the mind and is a result of logic & reasoning, while beauty comes from the heart and is a result of acceptance and wisdom

Learning how to die - A will

What isn't original or customary to our ways of living or dying need not always remain so. Among my family, extended family, friends, and social network all spanning roughly three generations, I have never once heard of any will written by anyone. But in my mind, I think it's one of the simplest ways to learn how to die, and probably live after one dies too. Not that I have read a will before or that I have been where one was read, but I have always wanted to and tried to write one myself. It's not that I'm leaving behind an empire and legacy that warrants a will to be written so that my recipients do not find it difficult to settle my estate equitably after I'm gone. I want to write one simply because I believe there is some peace to be found in it. Now that we have cleared the part about me leaving behind a non-existent empire and legacy, I don't think I need a lawyer to draft my will. I'm the master of my words! And I am just getting started!

Learning how to die

COVID-19 has changed people's lives in ways unimaginable until now. It is truly a crisis of a lifetime. I wish no generation hereafter has to face a pandemic of such proportions. Deaths go up by the thousands world over on a daily basis, over a night's sleep. And we don't even know if we have peaked, or when we will peak. We are left in the lurch, with nothing but hourly news of rising number of cases and deaths. Mortality rates compared to other pandemics of the earlier centuries don't matter anymore. Cure is a long way out, and prevention isn't getting any better as long as as people continue to ignore common sensical behaviours such as social distancing, personal hygiene etc. 

We have long lived a life of reckless materialism in the name of economic progress. It is time to question the definitions of developed nations and developing nations when their leaders lack leadership, governments lack good governance and the millions of people of these nations lack common sense grossly at such a critical time. And Nature seems to be taking the mantle back, at least long enough for us to realize that we have erred enormously in claiming superiority over Her. Nature doesn't need us, we need Her. To Her, we are just one of the million species She has given residence to. But to us, She is the supreme provider. And how we humans as a whole have brought ourselves to knees before Her now. Perhaps this is a reset button to unlearn the ways of our past and learn what truly matters from what Nature has given us and continues to give us. And what She gives, She takes back. And perhaps, now is the time to start to learn how to give ourselves back to Her when the bell tolls. Like it or not, given where we have ended up, what matters now is to start learning how to die. In other words, how we give ourselves back to Nature when the time comes. 

Specifically in the case of COVID-19: How do we learn to come to terms with an enemy unseen, yet so powerful and terminative in character? It doesn't kill us by combat or by war, it kills us by contact. But we know that. What we don't know is how we came into contact with someone infected with it, who in turn had no idea how he came into contact with someone else who had it. 'Contact tracing' may have sound logic and method behind it, but it does not answer 'why me?'- why should I be the one to come into contact with an infected person? Pure bad luck? Karma? Now, I don't have anyone in my social circle who is infected or dead yet. If it were the case, I wouldn't be reacting the way I am now. 

Now extrapolating this to a broad swathe of possibilites: what is the guarantee that a scenario of death in any form may not come to any of us anytime soon? Are we prepared to let go of someone when their time comes? And more importantly, are we ourselves prepared to say our goodbyes?

While medicine and science can prepare our bodies and minds to give a good fight, now it is only philosophy that can prepare our souls for accepting the ultimatum when it comes. In the midst of this fight with so much of progress in medicine and science, a philosophical twist may seem irrelevant. But this is where it makes the most sense and this is what we should all seek now. If not COVID-19, it is something else some other day. We have a choice, either seek wisdom or die in anxiety and ignorance. Maybe it is a good thing to see COVID-19 as only a trigger event to start the learning.

It doesn't matter what path of philosophy we start with. Most lead us to the same eternal truths. As proof, I leave you with the wisdom of Adisankara & Seneca as starting points (though Hindu and Roman in origin respectively, and separated by centuries, these two greats had more or less the same underlying principles on dealing with life and death, in their respective philosophies of Hinduism and Stoicism!):

From 'Bhaja Govindam' by Adisankara

मा कुरु धनजनयौवनगर्वं हरति निमेषात कालः सर्वं.

मायामयमिदमखिलं हित्वा ब्रह्मपदं त्वं प्रविश विदित्वा 

(Transliteration: maa kuru dhana jana youvana garvam, harathi nimeshaath kaala sarvam, maya mayamidham akhilam hithva, brahma padham thvam pravisha vidithva
Meaning: Do not pride/boast yourself in wealth, people and youth. Time can take all these away in an instant. Give up this world full of Maya (illusions) and work to attain the path of Brahma (supreme consciousness) 

And from Seneca in his famed 'Letters from a Stoic':

Now I bear it in mind not only all things are liable to death but that liability is governed by no set rules. Whatever can happen at any time can happen today. Let us reflect then, that we ourselves shall not be long in reaching the place we mourn his having reached. Perhaps too, if only there is truth in the story told by sages and some welcoming abode awaits, he whom we suppose to be dead and gone has merely been sent on ahead 

Let us start learning!

A few words

Whenever I think of getting to the writing page just for the sake of writing something and keep the flow going, it ends up being a more difficult task than concentrating on a thought that needs to be written in a better shape, or an opinion that is personal. Finally, I end up writing nothing at all, and later ponder on the blank page that could have had a life. That is how this space has taken shape in the last few years. I need to overcome my ADD as it applies to my writing. It's like a runner in a lull, with signs of a pot belly, tired legs, and a loose unathletic frame. It is unacceptable. A person like that defies the nature and purpose of his/her self. I had to bring the runner's analogy here, because that is both contextually and literally relevant.

I started the year with five simple goals, achievable at ease. I'm sticking on to two of them, and trying to bring back the third to life after it started sleeping in February. It's quite an improvement compared to prior years when I would've had ten ambitious resolutions, and asked in February 'what resolutions'! As it turns out, I'm becoming a man of few words and fewer actions! As soon as I wrote the last piece, I started on this one purposefully to see if I can kick back to life one of the unfollowed three goals so far. So, there goes.

Speaking of the five goals, running is one that's fortunately continuing! Touchwood!

Another short babble!

The passions of tomorrow

It's an ideal title given that we are in a grave global imbalance that is threatening life itself, and we are in the process of trying to stop it and set up a new normal. But this post is not about the reset itself, but my view of what it takes to accept a new reset and how I think I could set myself up for that. In the eight months since dabbling with the idea of many passions, I'm yet to find that tomorrow when I will start picking up one of the callings and doing something with it. I came incredibly close last week to the start of that tomorrow, but it has been put on hold. No hurry, given the reset that is underway. (The truth is I accepted it only after a day of bitter feelings, because the wait was too long! It was self-centered thought and I'm ashamed of it!). Bigger things are at stake for everyone. The next few weeks and months are going to change our lives in more ways than we can imagine.

Good things come to those who wait. The only problem with that is, for some of the things, the wait is just too long! But it is what it is. It shouldn't be surprising that the scales of maturity tilt more towards the spiritual side as one grows up. And one of my measures for that is how quickly I accept setbacks and get back on my feet. This time, a day seemed reasonable. I think I'll get better at it. If everything I wished for happened like clock work, what's the fun in it? And without some crude unexpected fun unleashed upon an adventurous soul, how does one appreciate the whiplashes of Karma?

Here is my realization from all that is happening. The paths for the passions of tomorrow are paved by the due repayment of my debts of today! Karma's account is never off-balance in the end, even though it may not seem so during the process. If it seems off-balance, it's not the end. And that is what this reset makes me think of my own time now. As counterintuitive as it may seem to the path I'm about to set off on, I'm more and more inclined to understand, analyze, soul-search and then set right my debts of each passing day. Or rather, only now it makes all the sense to me to be wearing this lens, exactly when I'm about to set off. It helps set things in perspective!

Sidenote: Sometimes the payment is past due and come with a penalty for the thing/person it is intended to be repaid to. One of the forms of penalty I have encountered is burning a good bridge before reflecting upon and appreciating another person's good wishes for me which I didn't yet acknowledge. And if the moment of genuine reflection is too late, it means nothing to the other person. One's genuineness to another person means nothing if the timing of it isn't right! They couldn't care less if you're too late. After all, there are only so many people who truly wish well for others without expecting anything in return, isn't it? But even above this, the hilarious irony of this is, when you want to be better today than the person you were yesterday, sometimes Karma expects you to be good for all the things you haven't been good at, in one shot!

That's all for this short babble!

Proud to be - or not to be - humble

Pride comes before the fall. That's blanket. What we do not get to know rightly is whether pride always comes before the fall, or do we certainly fall every time when pride gets to the head? Are praises & feelings of pride for you* from family & best friends a matter of pride for yourself? It's not a big deal for your family and your besties to feel proud of you. They know you are good and they are proud of you. They are your blood & flesh; even best friends are. I have best friends with whom I've shared a good part of my life since schooling, eating from the same plate, sleeping on the same bed, going through life's ups and downs, and also having fun together, and so on.. for two decades. You are proud of yourself because of the fact that all these people are proud of you. You feel proud and you move on. Period. In such instances there is no fall coming. This is a no-brainer. Even if you ask them openly (to remove any doubts you may have) 'are you proud of me?', they are gonna say 'of course' as if you asked 'did you sleep last night?'.

What is surprising is when acquaintances or colleagues or other friends (who are not best friends) say they are proud of you, and they mean it, when you least expect them to. That is the point of contention.

Human feelings are a puzzle in two ways.
1. The people you want to keep at arm's length or those who are not in your inner circle end up loving you and being proud of you, more than you can take. It's what I'm terming the FOOL's syndrome - the Fear Of Overwhelming Love. You do not understand the reason behind their affection/pride for you, and yet they bombard you with exactly that, growing into a fear of when & how they threaten to bury you in their affection, pride, and ultimately their love for you, so much that you break the chain with them. (Come on, I'm kidding. Nobody's like that these days!).

2. The people you expect to love you, or to be proud of you, are not there yet. Let me first of all warn that such expectations are the enemy of inner peace. Despite that, as feeling beings, you expect a great majority of your acquaintances to be proud of you. Sometimes you expect more and sometimes less. But you almost always expect. And when once in a while such expectations become a reality, you are proud of yourself. That pride is what surprises me all the more!

If you don't accept, acknowledge and feel humbled by their feeling of pride for you, you become cynics and recluses. And so you fall. If you do accept them, you become self-glorifying, and sometimes even arrogant, basking in the thought that you reign supreme in their hearts. And so you fall, again. The huge space between these extremes is a fully grey area, and somewhere in that grey area is where humility lies, I think. In such instances, it would help for us to be proud of ourselves, just to ourselves, and just enough to keep our head high in our heart's eyes, no more no less. Isn't that enough? And that moment of self-humility radiates universally, and is a thing to be certainly proud of! I think humility is by far the most important and, at the same time, the most underrated virtue.

* - 2nd person singular throughout the post is simply for convenience of conveying the message!

Better late than later...

Happy New Year and Happy Pongal wishes to y'all, belated though!

Over the course of the last few roller-coaster years, I have realized that ambitious resolutions in the new year generally don't take me far when I take stock at the end of the year. I'd rather have some blend of the SMART goals (specific, measurable, achievable, relevant, time-bound! Yes, management jargon. No one I know has mastered them, let's at least use it in language). So, I have a few simple resolutions for 2020 that have at least one or two of the 5 smart aspects combined. And I'm late by 3 days on one of the resolutions. But that's fine. I'd rather do it late than a little later (hence the title!). At the end of the year, I'll let you guess what that is.

This year I'm gonna travel. Except that it'd be across time zones, I don't exactly how far or how often, except one. But I'm sure it'll be a year of travelearning (bingo, i just had this pop up extempore to mean 'learning from travel experiences'!). 2019 had a few bumpy crossroads in sight on the professional side, when I could have taken on a new path, when I was ready to test the dirt & gravel on the unpaved roads leading to I don't know where. But I was lured back to the normalcy of the finely-laid, well-marked tar road of the mundane salaried-job! But I think I have waited enough this time. I will hit the dirt and see what I have to face.

As I take on the challenges I can and cannot foresee yet, I'll try my best to let myself be guided, consciously and conscientiously, by four principles below. One Advaitin, one Confucianism, one Haruki Murakami and one anon (in that order).

1. Aham Brahmaasmi
2. It doesn't matter how slow you go, as long as you do not stop
3. Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional
4. Tomorrow you will wish you had started today

There! Done. Once in a while I know I stray off, but the lights are in the mind to guide back to the paths! I hope some of these help you in your endeavors too!

Welcome to the New Year!